If I Could Apologise
by Moony3003
Summary: Dean reflects on a previous conversation and finds it hard to leave it be. Tag to episode 5.02.


**Disclaimer: **Nothing of Supernatural belongs to me. Just borrowing them.

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Author's Note: Tag to Episode 5.02 'Good God Y'All'. After watching the episode I would have liked something more between Dean and Castiel and after they got together in the next episode to hunt and everything seemed fine, I wondered if they spoke or something. I was originally going to place this scene for the end of the episode but I like it here too. Couldn't decide. Okay, on with the story.

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If I Could Apologise

The sounds inside the hospital were quiet, the odd beep or alarm going off but nothing too disturbing. Dean Winchester sat in one of the few chairs in the small white room, just staring and trying to think about nothing but unfortunately it wasn't working too well. His mind was buzzing with all the new information he had and the old stuff that didn't want to leave him alone.

Currently, his brother was checking out of the motel that had been staying at which was not far away while he stayed here with their old friend, Bobby, while he slept. It was the least he could do. After what had only transpired hours ago, it was almost nice to do nothing. Sam had unwittingly freed Lucifer, he learnt he was the vessel for the archangel Michael, Meg was back to torment them and Castiel had been brought back to life. The how of the latter remained unknown though and Dean tried his best not to think of who was responsible.

Only this morning had the angel mentioned his plan on finding his father, God and in all honesty, Dean thought it crazy but he was willing to help if he could. Well, to be fair he was helping. Castiel had his necklace to help. Unconsciously, Dean rubbed the spot on his chest where the pendant would normally sit and he frowned faintly. He still felt naked without it. After so many years of wearing it, it was bound to take a while to get used to it not being there.

As an indistinct noise sounded from the bed, Dean lowered his arm, relaxing it on the arm rest, looking towards the bed, stupidly wondering if his thoughts had been too loud and woken Bobby up. But no other sound came from the bed and Dean relaxed his suddenly tensed shoulders and somewhat slumped into the chair, sighing and sliding down a little more, stretching his legs out.

"_I killed two angels this week. My brothers. I'm hunted. I rebelled and I did it, all of it, for you and you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world. And I lost everything, for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself."_

Reaching deep into his pocket he pulled out his mobile phone and glanced down at it before going into the contacts. There was currently something bothering him about what happened this morning although he had said nothing. Emotional confrontations was already something he knew wasn't one of his strong points. But as it continued to nag him in the back of his mind, he scrolled down the list of names in his phone and quickly reached the one he searched for.

For a long moment he stared at the blue screen, absent-mindedly running a finger over the screen, eventually tracing over the call button. The glass felt icy under his fingers, too cold. Deciding against it, Dean turned off the page in his phone and put it back in his pocket, trying to forget what he had been thinking, feeling slightly embarrassed, despite no one else knowing.

When the door opened, startling Dean from his thoughts, he sat straighter in the chair, almost ready for a surprise attack but he quickly relaxed once seeing it was Sam. His brother's tall frame walked through looking at Dean, then Bobby and then Dean again. Giving him a soft look with wide eyes, Sam shrugged, seemingly hesitant.

"How is he?"

Dean ran a hand through his short hair vigorously before sighing quietly. "He hasn't woken the entire time I've been sitting here." Dean got to his feet and headed towards the door, pulling his green jacket back into place. "Stay here with him, I need some coffee."

"Dean, we should have left already to help Rufus and-"

"He's lasted this long, I'm sure a couple hours won't hurt," snapped Dean. "Just stay here and when I return, we'll go, alright?"

Sam sighed in what Dean knew was annoyance but he still stepped aside and allowed Dean room to go past him. "Just don't take too long."

Dean bit the inside of his cheek and mumbled something back, most of which was unintelligible and left Sam looking out the door after him. Walking outside into the afternoon sunshine, Dean stopped for a moment and breathed deeply. He watched as hospital staff and patients walked around, conversing and going about their business. Dean just couldn't help but think about if they knew what was really happening in the world around them. Even he didn't want to know and he was seemingly trapped in the middle of it all.

After checking that there was nothing sinister surrounding him, Dean eventually moved and walked down the stone footpath, through the patch of green grass and bright flowered front garden of the hospital before hitting the road and walking down. He wasn't really trying to get away from anything; he just needed a moment alone, away from everyone right now. He couldn't escape his thoughts but he could escape the people they involved, if only for a short while.

Taking in the sights, Dean breathed in deeply again. The smell of the afternoon is soft and fresh. It's a summertime breeze, threaded through an underlining of the cool night to come. He can already feel it but for the moment, he takes time to enjoy the feel of the waning sun on his face. As Dean hit the small wooden bridge that led out of town, he stopped halfway on it and looked over the edge.

A small bed of water trickled underneath; seemingly in no hurry to get where it needed to be. Just for a moment, Dean wished he could once again feel the same. Lately, the same panicked feeling remained in his chest, clenching at his heart whenever something unusual was said or heard, fearing it could be the last thing that ever happens.

Before long, a flapping noise sounds behind him and Dean's shoulders slump and he sighes wearily but doesn't turn. A faint aroma hits him and Dean can't place it. He already knows who it is but he doesn't think he's willing to face this. Perhaps there was more the angel needed before he left on the mission he wanted to undertake.

"You wanted to talk, Dean," said Castiel knowingly, in his gruff tone.

"I didn't call for you," said Dean edgily.

Castiel gave no reply. Instead, he walked to Dean's side and leaned against the railing in a similar manner to the hunter and looked over the edge, a serene look gracing his defined, pale features. From the corner of his eye, Dean glances at the angel. He looked the same as he did this morning; same attire, same mannerisms. Perhaps he should take the presented opportunity. It just annoyed him that the angel seemed to be aware of something he shouldn't be.

"Look, Cas, about this morning..."

"It doesn't matter," the angel interrupted.

Dean nodded, mostly to himself, looking away from Castiel and out to the water which was the main sound filling his ears, making him feel almost peaceful.

"I know what I said was harsh but you have to understand that your search might come to nothing."

"I am aware of this, Dean," said Castiel, his voice sounding strained.

Dean frowned faintly but didn't turn his head. He couldn't decide if it was subdued anger from earlier or something else he was unaware of.

"Are you really?" asked Dean firmly. "Lucifer is roaming the earth as we speak and God has done nothing. Don't you think he would do something about it, instead of letting this happen?"

"But he has done something," said Castiel slowly, confusion forming on his features. At the same time, Dean and Castiel looked at each other and the angel noted the hunter's own confusion before elaborating. "He brought me back, saved you by putting you on that plane. He is doing something, Dean."

"Then why doesn't he just click his fingers and ice Lucifer now? What's he waiting for?"

Castiel sighed and Dean watched as the angel turned away, his face seemingly twisting to one of despair. "It doesn't work like that, Dean."

"Then how does it work?" he asked quickly.

The angel went silent and Dean exhaled sharply, looking away, feeling frustration course through him. "See, this is the problem, Cas. If you want our help you have to be straight with us and tell us everything."

"Only Michael can kill Lucifer," came an almost inaudible answer.

"That doesn't make sense," retorted Dean. "God created them."

"It's Michael's responsibility, so to speak," said Castiel, his gruff tone returning. "You must see the bigger picture, Dean. It's not just about you and your brother anymore. This isn't a regular hunt. This could literally be the end of the world. It involves the entire human population as well as the armies of Heaven and Hell."

"The bigger picture?" repeated Dean, barely daring to believe his ears. He still remembered the last time Castiel spoke of the bigger picture. "Right, of course, I almost forget; the bigger picture."

At the tone of Dean's voice, Castiel turned his back to the hunter and began to walk away, his face hardening, causing Dean to sigh in annoyance. Following and catching him easily, Dean took hold of Castiel's arm, stopping him in his tracks and turning his body so they once again faced each other.

"Cas..." started Dean, letting his arm fall to his side, finding it hard to find the right words to say. "Look, you've helped us and I do understand that that meant losing everything and..." But Dean found himself unable to say he was sorry about that. He was but that didn't make it any easier. "We'll help you," he said, settling for those words instead. "Whenever you need help, we'll be there. You just have to ask. It's the least I, we, can do."

The angel's features softened at those words and looked into the hunter's green eyes, quickly learning he spoke the truth and more. Slowly he nodded. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Instantly, Dean felt better, well, a little less guilty anyway and that was at least a start. He was still uncomfortable at the type conversation but at least he got some of this off his chest. Sensing that Castiel was about to leave, Dean shifted his weight between feet, his thoughts returning to Sam and Bobby and the new job they were to take on.

"Dean... keep an eye on Sam."

"Why?" asked Dean quickly, but Castiel had already vanished. "Damn it," he muttered under his breath, suddenly feeling irritated although he couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his mouth but it never did reach his eyes. He hated it when the fallen angel decided to vanish rather than answer questions.

At remembering he needed to get back, Dean forced his legs to make the walk back to the hospital to retrieve his brother and as they reached the Impala checking their weapons, he looked his younger brother over subtly. It wasn't going to be like last time. Ruby was gone and there was no way he was going to let something similar happen again. He would make sure of it.


End file.
